96s10
07-21-2003, 10:32 PM
i got this in an email. thought it was pretty funny.
>
> >Subject: Simple Man Test
> >
> >
> > >1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you
are
> gay.
> > >It
> > >means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have
spent
> > >the
> > >rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the
Oprah
> > >diet.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a
dog,
> > >but
> > >gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has
a
> > >delicate
> > >touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And
just
> > >think
> > >about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass
> over
> > >here!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to
daddy,
> > >snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any
such
> > >nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only
sucks
> on
> > >bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, craw fish guts, pickled
pigs
> > >feet,
> > >or breasts. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko
and
> > >undeniably a fag.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
> > >parking
> > >lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is
his
> > >bathroom, he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard
one
> in
> > >the
> > >poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full aroma. A
> > >straight
> > >man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim"
and he
> > >will
> > >never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've
had
> > >NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there too.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different
types
> of
> > >dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass.
A
> > >real
> > >man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that
> crap
> > >as
> > >well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL,
> NBA,
> > >college ball, PGA, and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or
you
> > >know
> > >what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of
> textile
> > >other than denim, you are faggadocious.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget
it......you're
> > >hungry
> > >for a meat popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to
honk
> at
> > >a
> > >slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he
needs
> > >that
> > >hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer,
or
> > >play
> > >with the bitch in the passenger seat.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous
le
> > >Gay,
> > >oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with
a
> > >woman
> > >who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films
by
> > >yourself
> > >or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous
homosexual
> > >combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too
> > >quickly.
> > >
>
> >Subject: Simple Man Test
> >
> >
> > >1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you
are
> gay.
> > >It
> > >means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have
spent
> > >the
> > >rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the
Oprah
> > >diet.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a
dog,
> > >but
> > >gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has
a
> > >delicate
> > >touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And
just
> > >think
> > >about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass
> over
> > >here!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to
daddy,
> > >snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any
such
> > >nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only
sucks
> on
> > >bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, craw fish guts, pickled
pigs
> > >feet,
> > >or breasts. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko
and
> > >undeniably a fag.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
> > >parking
> > >lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is
his
> > >bathroom, he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard
one
> in
> > >the
> > >poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full aroma. A
> > >straight
> > >man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim"
and he
> > >will
> > >never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've
had
> > >NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there too.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different
types
> of
> > >dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass.
A
> > >real
> > >man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that
> crap
> > >as
> > >well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL,
> NBA,
> > >college ball, PGA, and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or
you
> > >know
> > >what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of
> textile
> > >other than denim, you are faggadocious.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget
it......you're
> > >hungry
> > >for a meat popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to
honk
> at
> > >a
> > >slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he
needs
> > >that
> > >hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer,
or
> > >play
> > >with the bitch in the passenger seat.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous
le
> > >Gay,
> > >oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with
a
> > >woman
> > >who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films
by
> > >yourself
> > >or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous
homosexual
> > >combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too
> > >quickly.
> > >